Archive for the ‘family’ Category

What Kind of Parent Are You?

April 19, 2017

 

I believe all of us with children want the very best for them. We nurture them. We want them to grow big and strong. We want to give them things that maybe we didn’t have as children. Perhaps we grew up with lots of advantages and want our children to have as much or more than we had growing up. We also want our children to have terrific experiences – to travel, play sports, have friends and plenty of toys.

Is all this providing for our children backfiring on us?

Are we giving our children so much that we are not enabling them to do for themselves?

When our children move out on their own we DO want them to be able to take care of themselves. Are we giving them, teaching them tools to be able to accomplish that?

Sometimes, I believe, all this helping our children makes them rely on us rather than on themselves. When they are very young, it’s true, they need all the help and guidance they can get.

However, will they learn to pack their backpack with all they need for school the next day if we parents are always doing it for them?

I submit that it’s better beginning when they are 7 or 8 years old to ask them if they have everything they need for school the next day. You can even ask them to double check their room for anything they may have forgotten. In the beginning, make a checklist with your child of the things you know they will need for school every day. Ask them to review their checklist to see if they have everything. This way you, the parent, are not remembering for them. If, when they get to school and find they have left something at home please do NOT get in your car and deliver it to them. Let your child learn to bring everything with them. If you jump to their rescue and deliver the forgotten item to school you are letting them know that it’s not important for them to remember and be responsible for their own things.

Also, isn’t it better that your child learns these small lessons at a young age when the lesson doesn’t have far reaching consequences?

Hovering over your child and doing things, remembering things for them is called helicopter parenting.

Helicopter parents do not let their child do as many things on their own as is possible; even when the children are teenagers and young adults. These parents still make phone calls on behalf of their children.

Some of these children grow up to be young adults without coping skills.

Some of these young adults are not good at doing chores. Why should they be? They’ve rarely had to do any around the home they grew up in. They don’t know where to start when it comes to basic household skills like doing dishes, picking up after one’s self, laundry, dusting, and more.

For all you parents of young children start involving your children in basic chores. Let them help you do dishes, fold laundry, run the vacuum. Ask them to pick up their room!

I co-authored two books for young children (ages 3-5) on this very topic. The books are titled: Suzie’s Messy Room and Benji’s Messy Room. These books are terrific to engage small children in the chore of picking up their room. We (the authors) turned that chore into a game!

I was guilty of being a helicopter parent at times.  I remember helping my children pack their backpacks, packing lunches for them – to save time – because it took them FOREVER to get around to doing these things on their own. My children are grown now. One of my sons is really self-sufficient. The other relies heavily on parental help.

What kind of parent are you?  Try to avoid being helicopter parents, hovering over your children. Instead be kind, caring, considerate good providers teaching your children basic life skills so as they grow up and out of your homes they can rely on themselves.Mom and dauther holding hands

Home?

February 23, 2017

House on wooden floor , home concept

What does this word mean to you? For me, it is more than a place. It is a feeling of belonging. A feeling that I am safe and at peace inside this place. I have moved many times to three completely different countries and to two very different regions within the United States of America and yet I’ve been able to create a home for me and my family in each spot.

So, I ask again, what does home mean to you? Is it the home in which you grew up? Will that place always represent home to you? If it does, do you also have a home in which you live most of the time?

Here’s another question for you to ponder: what does your childhood home contain that makes it feel so much like home? My childhood home is now someone else’s home. Whenever I went back to visit my mother it was the scent of her perfume that brought memories flooding back for me. Also, my mother was there. We would spend time together reminiscing. The other thing that made my childhood home so special to me was the familiar furnishings: photos, paintings, and furniture.

When we sold my mother’s house (my childhood home) I was able to keep a few of the items that meant something to me. I do mean only a few. I incorporated them into my décor so that I have a little bit of my childhood home mixed in with my adult home.

Do you want your home to contain a few memories? Would you prefer to create your own memories and leave your childhood home behind?

If you choose to bring some of the furnishings from your childhood home into your current home be selective. Be sure to ask your partner, if you have one, if they agree with your choices. One thing is for sure, you do not want to create additional clutter in your home simply because you want to bring part of the past into your present.

Ask yourself these questions:

1.       Does this bring back a special memory?

2.       Do I love it?

3.       Will this add to the overall atmosphere of my home?

4.       Will this fit in?

5.       Does it have a purpose?

If you can answer more than one of these questions positively then by all means bring some of your childhood home into your current home.

If you need to create the feelings of safety and peace inside your home take a look around and ask yourself what is bothering you about your home.

1.       Are things out of place?

2.       Do you know how to put your belongings away?

3.       Can you find what you are looking for?

4.       Do you have to do a major clean up before inviting someone over?

If you need to create order in your home so that it will be your place of refuge take the time to figure out where you want to start.

Please write back and let me know what home means to you. Let me know if I can help you in your quest to make your house feel like your home.

 

Hallmarks of an Adult?

November 16, 2016

Together, success is a given

The other morning I was listening to my local news station as I was catching up on my ‘words with friends’ and I was really surprised. I had only been listening half way, concentrating mostly on my strategy in the game I was playing on my phone, when something caught my attention. It was something about millennials taking classes in what the reporter called ‘adulting’. I didn’t know what that meant and still don’t really. The report went on talking about things adults do, for instance; chores around the house, budget their money, pay bills, file papers, and manage their time (although that’s a subject for another day).

The point of the report was that some millennials seem to be so lacking in knowledge in these areas that they feel a need to take classes.

Actually, I do get that because some of my clients are millennials and they haven’t the slightest idea how to go about cleaning their house, organizing their kitchen, putting away their clothes – I could go on but I think you get the idea. These millennials, the ones I work with (and possibly the ones in the news report), have grown up without any sense of what it takes to lead an organized life.

They have successfully completed school and, for the most part, have jobs. They want to live independently – to be adults.

Unfortunately, schools do not teach home/life skills otherwise known as home economics. I never took home economics in school – I think that was phased out even before my generation. So, what happened? Why is it that some of these young adults are not equipped with the basic skills and information that are the hallmarks of being an adult?

I think it’s a combination of things.

Some of these young people did not have the skills modeled for them. Maybe their parents weren’t great at organizing themselves, maybe they outsourced things like bill paying, maybe they didn’t ask the children to help with routine household chores.

Whatever the reason, I’m happy to know they are taking classes to fill in the blanks.

What are the hallmarks of becoming an adult?

For me, it’s taking care of myself and those in my family, taking care of my home (meaning keeping it clean and tidy), being a good friend, doing my job to the best of my ability, paying my bills, and having fun working on my hobbies which are gardening, needlepoint, and dancing.

What does being an adult mean to you?

PS I have written a book which covers all of these subject areas and more. You can learn more about my book on my website: www.dnqsolutions.com

 

 

 

 

Rainy Day Family Activities

June 1, 2016

Here in Atlanta the children are out of school on summer vacation. We all want to spend lots of time outside enjoying the great outdoors but what do you do with your children when it’s pouring rain outside?

A certain amount of TV time or electronic game time is great. The children love playing with their devices.  I’m sure you don’t want them to spend the majority of their day in front of a screen!

Here are my top five suggestions:

1.      Do you have board games? Rainy days are a great time to pull them out.  Board games have a terrific educational component to them that is sometimes overlooked. The children engage in counting, reading, and taking turns. All wonderful skills!

young kids happy childrens family preparing funny cookies in kitchen at home

 2.      Do you like to bake? If you do that can be a really fun way to spend a few hours on a rainy day. The children can read the recipe, measure the ingredients, mix the batter and set the timer. These are also great educational skills to reinforce while they are away from the classroom. Of course, it’s really rewarding to have yummy treats to enjoy!

Mother with daughter reading book

 3.      Read a chapter book. Create a comfy spot with extra blankets and pillows. If your children are good readers you can take turns reading with your children. This helps to engage their mind and promotes creativity! Ask the children to draw a picture of their favorite character in the story.

Boy Coloring Pictures While Family Looking At It On Floor

 4.      Coloring – bring out the coloring books for adults and for children. You can have a selection of markers, colored pencils, and crayons available. Remember to talk while you’re coloring.

Full-length rear view of mother watching daughters trying on clothes in room

5.      Closets, Cupboards & drawers – Pick one. Have your children look at all their clothes in that one spot. Take all the clothes out of the designated area.  Ask them to try on any clothes that they are not sure if they fit. Put those in a donate bag. Put any clothes that your child say he won’t wear in the donate bag too. If there are clothes that need repair put them in a ‘to be mended’ bag. Tackle another area on the next rainy day. This way clothes don’t linger in your child’s room beyond their useful life and they are benefitting another child.

 I’d love to know about your favorite rainy day activity.

 

 

Organizing Conference #NAPO2016

May 25, 2016

I just had the great good fortune to attend two days of the #NAPO2016 Conference in Atlanta. It was my original intention to attend the entire conference but my two sons and daughter-in-law decided that it would be good to visit me. I LOVE it when they visit as they do not live anywhere nearby but I freely admit that I was hoping they would not choose to visit when I was in the middle of attending this great conference. However, the three of them arrived on Friday evening and I was home to greet them. In my world, family trumps everything.

This blog post is not about my family but about the wonderful time I had at the NAPO 2016 conference in Atlanta.

The sessions I attended were fantastic! I am so happy to belong to an organization which brings in great quality speakers to further the education of their members. I will write more about the sessions next week.

For the first time this year I had a table at the Expo with two other organizer colleagues: Jonda Beattie and Judith Kolberg. We were selling our organizing books. It was a blast as many organizers stopped by our table to chat, see what was new, and buy our books. We, Jonda and I, had two new books available for sale. They are two children’s organizing books. They teach children how to go about the task of breaking down a seemingly overwhelming project (picking up a very messy room) into small manageable components. They are titled: Suzie’s Messy Room and Benji’s Messy Room. It was exciting for us to have our organizing colleagues see our new books, like the illustrations and the content, and buy them. We are working with one organizer who wants to buy the books in bulk and then provide them to participants in her workshop. Please feel free to contact me if you have a similar idea.

The other great thing that happened this year at conference – actually it happens every year – is connecting in person with organizers that I usually just communicate with online. We are a community. We speak the same organizer language and totally support one another in our efforts to give our clients the best organizing services. That means that we refer out to one another when necessary. It is an extraordinary experience to be among such a wonderful like-minded group of talented colleagues.

Admittedly, going to conference is an expensive experience. You have the cost of travel, hotel, buying from the vendors, some meals, and entertainment. I’ve found that putting money aside each month in an account earmarked for conference is the best way to afford the investment in my education as an organizer.

If you have a professional conference that you’d like to attend try my strategy of a savings account specifically for that event. I’d love to hear your thoughts on conferences. Do you attend them? Do you find them worthwhile?

 

Specific Measurable Achievable Realistic Timely  - SMART Concept

Specific Measurable Achievable Realistic Timely – SMART Concept. Conceptual image with yellow paint line on the road over asphalt stone background.

 

Is It Spring?

March 2, 2016

Spring Cleaning

Is it feeling like Spring where you live? Here in Atlanta it’s looking a lot like Spring is just around the corner. We’ve had a couple of beautiful sunny days. It was even warm enough over the weekend to enjoy a picnic in the park!

The days are longer, the sunshine brighter and all that makes me long to get out in the garden and play in the dirt. However, it’s not quite time to do that so I’m going to use the brighter light and longer days to my advantage inside the house.

In other words, it’s time for me to do some Spring cleaning! Yup, this brighter light points out the need to get back in the corners and under the furniture to get the little dust bunnies that can hide when the light isn’t quite so bright.

Just in case you also feel inclined to do some spring cleaning I’ve put together a list of things you might consider doing. Remember Spring is a season. It lasts about 3 months. If you break down this list and do a little each week by the time summer rolls around you will be done with your cleaning and ready to spend more time outside. You can also delegate some items on this list to other members of your family!

  1. Remove and vacuum window screens
  2. Wipe the window sills before you replace the screens
  3. Wash windows
  4. Clean baseboards
  5. Move the furniture and clean under it
  6. Decide what to do (toss, recycle, donate or put away) with the things you find under the furniture
  7. Put the furniture back
  8. Dust floor registers and other vent covers
  9. Dust light fixtures and ceiling fans
  10. Air out mattress pads and small area rugs
  11. Sort through winter clothes and donate any that don’t fit or that you didn’t wear
  12. Check your smoke detector/carbon monoxide monitor to make sure they are working. Put in fresh batteries if they are battery operated.
  13. Check your fire extinguishers
  14. Take them to your local fire station to be recharged if necessary

Pack Your Patience

December 23, 2015

Are you traveling for the holidays? Maybe you are visiting family or maybe family is coming to visit you?

Perhaps you’re spending the holidays with good friends? Whatever your plans be sure to pack your patience.

Traveling at this time of year whether you are traveling by plane, train or automobile can be stressful. Lots of people are on the road. Holiday expectations are high. I know that whenever I’m traveling during the holidays I simply can’t wait to get where I’m going and for the FUN to begin. Do you ever feel that way?

So, the slightest delay can put me on edge. It could be traffic related, or the plane is delayed or maybe my checked bag is slow to arrive on the baggage belt. I’ve learned over the years to breathe a little more deeply and to smile. This is where I pull patience out of my pocket. I know I will get to my destination eventually and I can hop right into the holiday fun upon my arrival.

If you’re staying with someone else try not to let your expectations get in the way of the actual plans. The expression: go with the flow comes to mind. Hopefully whoever you’re visiting has given you a heads up about the plans for the holiday. Letting you know about any parties, church activities, and other activities so that you have a sense of the schedule.

If you are the host consider posting a schedule of the events for the time they’re staying with you. Think about including some ideas of things to do in the area – sights to see – if they’ve never been to your home before. This will let your guests know what to expect and how they can participate.

A little knowledge is a powerful tool. It’s so helpful to know even the little things like how to start the coffee pot and where to find the extra roll of toilet paper!

Whatever your plans I hope you have a marvelous, relaxing, fun-filled and safe holiday!

Now What? What do you do to take care of yourself?

November 4, 2015

Close-up of female hands holding teacup in front of opened book

Did you have a good and fun Halloween? I hope so! When my children were young we had the best time on Halloween. A friend of mine invited us all – my family and 3 other families – to come to their home, have dinner, and then go trick-or-treating. It was a blast! The children dressed up and went as a group knocking on doors, shouting “TRICK-OR-TREAT”, collecting candy and going on to the next door. We moms loved watching our young ones, making sure they all stayed together and took care of each other, and sharing our thoughts as we went walking down the sidewalk behind our children. We did this for many years. I have great memories of those times with my friends.

This Halloween tradition signaled the beginning of the Holiday season for me. Starting in November my calendar would always begin to get a little more jammed up with parties and responsibilities. I would begin to plan how I was going to get all the baking, shopping, decorating, and wrapping done well in advance of Christmas.

As the years went on I began to realize that I was taking care of everyone else and forgetting about myself. I started to plan little things just for me into my calendar. Are you wondering what sorts of things I plan for myself? They are little things: a half hour of peace and quiet reading a book, taking a bath, or doing some needlepoint. These are things I like to do that don’t cost anything, that help me relax, and that give me a feeling of well-being.

Think about it. What can you do to relieve the stress of the season? What sorts of activities let you relax, feel happy and centered?

Scheduling a few little things just for me is a wonderful way to make sure that I am able to take care of all that I have on my plate as well as myself during this very busy time of year. After all, I realize that I am much better at taking care of my family when I have taken time to take care of myself.

I’d love to know if you feel the same way and what you can do to take care of yourself!